If there’s one thing that we all seek it’s happiness. I’ve never met a person who has told me they didn’t want to be happy, have you? When I do individual therapy, I have the opportunity to sit down with people as they present their concerns to me – whatever they may be. They usually seek therapy because they’re experiencing some level of emotional distress and are fundamentally unhappy. I’ve noticed that a number of things come up over and over for people as reasons why this is so. There are certain things they either have – or don’t have – and with this information I’ve been able to come to an understanding of a question posed by many:
“What makes people happy?” “What do they have that others don’t? What’s their secret?”
The following are my 5 secret qualities of happy people, in no particular order:
1) Absence of Toxic Shame
In the book, Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw describes the difference between healthy vs toxic shame in that, “healthy shame is an emotion which signals us about our limits…and keeps us grounded,” where “toxic shame is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being.” Truly happy people have a strong sense of themselves and their value; in other words, an absence of toxic shame. This usually comes from a nurturing, loving and supportive experience in their families of origin. There are many reasons why people struggle with toxic shame. I find it often lies at the core of some depression, anxiety and perfectionism.
2) Absence of Resentment
Really happy people seem to be more successful at forgiveness. In addition, they often haven’t personalized the experience to the degree that others do. When you are good at letting things go, you don’t drag the burden of resentment around with you. Those who hold onto anger or grudges towards others for long periods of time can experience internal emotional distress that leads to bitterness, frustration and often health problems. They can also struggle with depression and excessive anger.
3) Living Their Passion
People who are doing work that is satisfying to them, whether they simply enjoy showing up every day – or it is more rewarding on a deeper level – tend to be happier. The same applies to those who have found a hobby or cause that brings them joy, whether it’s associated with work or not. Those who dislike their jobs and truly hate getting up every day to go to work tend to have an underlying baseline of life dissatisfaction that can lead to unhappiness. This is particularly true if they’re not engaging in something outside of work that touches that energizing place inside of them – which could at least partially offset the impact of their unrewarding job.
4) Dreams for Future
Those who have hopes, plans and excitement for the future are typically happier. They believe they can carry out their dreams – and can actually visualize them coming true. People who struggle with imagining what their futures might hold often don’t really believe that good things could actually happen for them. It’s possible their past or present have been so dismal that they’re unable to project positive things for the future. This is a very common belief of those struggling with depression. They may believe, “I can’t,” or “I don’t deserve.”
5) Connections to People
Happy people usually are connected to other people by supportive and loving relationships, no matter whether a few or many. There could be an argument that there are exceptions to this, but by and large, people need other people. From the time we are born, we seek to form attachments to our primary caregivers. Depending on the quality of these attachments, we will usually seek to form friendships, and then intimate partnerships. I’ve found that many unhappy people feel disconnected in some way to others – which can be very painful. Sometimes they are afraid to connect and other times their behavior is disconnecting. Regardless, for those who believe they need other people – and feel alone – a deep sense of unhappiness is common.
Like I mentioned previously, no matter who or where we are in this world, one of the ties that binds us together is the desire for happiness. Many of us know someone who seems to be a truly happy person. There’s something almost magical about them, their level of serenity, joy and state of “knowing” that everything will work out. And if doesn’t, it will still eventually be okay. I imagine that this person likely has all of the 5 happiness qualities I mentioned above. There are so many things that influence our emotional and psychological development. I believe that barring environmental chaos (war, poverty, etc.), we all have the ability to be “happy.”
It can require a bit of work to tackle the things that might be blocking us from that very achievable goal – shame, resentment, lack of dreams, isolation and/or lack of a life passion. The great news is I’ve seen it done enough times in my work as a therapist to know – it’s absolutely possible.
About the Author
Lisa is a Marriage and Family Therapist and writer, with a private practice doing individual therapy and couples counseling in Marin County, California. She has authored Therapy-At-Home Workbooks™: Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples, the first in a planned series of cost effective and easy-to-use therapy workbooks. For more information visit her website: www.LisaKiftTherapy.com
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
lissn.com
Yet another website for chatting. chatting with friends and family has been so common that you use some or the other chatting application every day. This website has some thing different. With this site you can chat with unknown people around the world without letting them know your identity. This is possible because you don't have to signup to this site. No registration means you can surprise the other person. The admin adds new features to the site every week.
Monday, February 14, 2011
www.drawspace.com
Everyone of us has tried drawing many times in our life. Coloring Book is one of the first books that I have used in fact, it is same for almost all of us. All of us had enjoyed playing with colors and drawing.
With the change of our interests and needs we have forgotten the fun that we can have with drawing. It's time to rediscover how fun and funny drawing is! Drawing is a way of creating and expressing ourselves and therefore the result is always beautiful.
This website will not only help you to put your imagination on paper but also it will help you learn the art for free.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
goodtyping.com
Typing quickly and correctly is a valuable skill to have. It helps you accomplish many online tasks more quickly. And you can communicate more information in a clear manner.
Typing is especially important for many jobs. A fast typing speed can enhance your resume. Or it can help you keep the job you have.
Learning or polishing typing isn't too hard. You just have to learn where the keys are. And then you have to practice quite a bit.
Goodtyping is a site that can help. It will walk you through learning the keys. It will also help you practice. There are 27 lessons to complete. It's good for beginners and typists who want to improve.
Registration is not required, but is good for saving your progress. And it is free. It also lets you choose keyboard layouts besides English.
Courtesy : kim komando
Thursday, January 27, 2011
www.wikicards.net
Organization is a great thing to have. You might be writing a book or making an c. And there are plenty of ways to go about it.
Computer programs are popular. They store a lot of information. And they are easy to search. Unfortunately, you're often stuck on one computer.
WikiCards aims to do it better. It is an online organization system you can access from anywhere. And unlike many online organizers, it's very powerful.
You start by creating cards of information. Then you can create tags and groups. You can categorize cards easily by right-clicking and selecting a group.
Cards can also be dragged between groups or rearranged. You can edit them with a right-click. Click and drag the mouse to select multiple cards. These can then be edited together.
Cards can be searched. Or you can share them on social networks. Saving your cards does require registration, but it is free.
Courtesy of www.komando.com
Monday, November 29, 2010
5 Mistakes You Should Make
Just wanted to Share this with you all. You will surely like it.
Five successful people, ranging from a noted psychologist to a legendary taste-maker, describe their most startling (and most revealing) blunders.
1. Totally embarrass yourself.
After the publication of my book Reviving Ophelia, in 1994, I was invited to a prestigious party. I got all dressed up; I was so excited to make connections. I had a wonderful time and was elated as I was walking back to my car. Well, that is, until I felt something on the back of my skirt. While I had gotten dressed for the function, I had apparently sat on a stack of clean laundry, and a pair of underwear had affixed itself. I had spent the entire night that way! I was mortified, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t matter. I went to other similar events after that, and as far as I could tell, that incident didn’t change people’s impression of me one little bit.
I tend to think that we are all always one static-cling mishap away from looking like a total idiot—and believing that helps me keep gaffes in perspective. And, of course, these grand embarrassments eventually loosen their grip anyway, leaving you with an ace-in-the-hole story to crack up your friends with for years to come.
Mary Pipher, Ph.D., has been a psychotherapist for more than 30 years. Her latest book is Seeking Peace ($16, amazon.com).
2. Ruffle people’s feathers.
Years ago, when I began working at a business school, I sat in meetings quietly, afraid I would say the wrong thing. Some people spoke up and were scoffed at. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I held my tongue. I soon realized that my silence implied that I was on board with whatever was being said. I started voicing my opinion, even on controversial subjects, regardless of how my comments would be received. Occasionally colleagues would roll their eyes, but I found that even those who disagreed with me came to respect me for not backing down. Sometimes my ideas will make me unpopular, sure, but that’s better than being a blank slate.
Mary C. Gentile, Ph.D., is a senior research scholar in business management at Babson College, in Wellesley, Massachusetts. She is the author of Giving Voice to Values ($26, amazon.com).
3. Follow trends blindly.
Looking back on my life, I find it hard to think of a fad I did not embrace. When glam rock glittered, I bleached my hair and wore a dangly earring. When punk rock raged, I donned black leather. Not until my 50s did I find my look—I call it Carnaby Street mod circa 1966—which allowed me to hop off the trend merry-go-round. But I am grateful for this process: It took a fashion odyssey to help me find out who I really am.
4. Be willing to fail—doing something you love.
In 1997 I had just graduated from law school (with tons of student-loan debt) and was interviewing for high-paying positions at big firms. The problem was, my heart wasn’t in it. So I took myself out of the running in order to build a small Internet publishing company with a friend. After a year of barely staying afloat, our venture went the way of a 404 ERROR message. I was broke and unemployed, and Sallie Mae was hot on my tail. I wondered what endeavor I should try next.
It sounds crazy, but once again I decided to throw caution to the wind and just do what I wanted. I began working as a trial attorney for the U.S. Department of Justice. Over the next few years, I held a wide array of fascinating jobs that I took because they captured my imagination: serving in the military, reporting from Iraq for the Washington Post, and, most recently, becoming a full-time author. Some might consider me flighty for changing careers so often, but I contend that the key to professional happiness is asking yourself two simple questions every single day: Are you passionate about what you do? And if not, what are you going to do instead?
Bill Murphy Jr. is the author of The Intelligent Entrepreneur ($27.50, amazon.com).
5. Carelessly put yourself at risk.
I’m a terrible skier, and I’m not being hard on myself when I say that. Small children and monkeys are more coordinated than I am. So it was with unbridled terror that I once found myself alone on a black-diamond ski trail in the middle of a blizzard. (Long story.) With nobody to carry me down, I didn’t have a lot of options. So I wept—and had a fairly supplicating talk with God about my imminent death. (I believe I made a series of promises involving church attendance, reduced alcohol intake, and forgoing swearing.) And, finally, I skied—slowly, with zero elegance, and whimpering like an infant the entire time—down the mountain. It wasn’t pretty, but I did it.
The point being, sometimes you have to get in over your head to realize that you’re not really in over your head at all. Two years ago, I got a job that I desperately wanted but had no idea how to do. So I took it, endured several panic attacks, and eventually learned the ropes. My choices were either figure it out or get fired. The bottom line: Most of the time, a high-risk situation won’t kill you, because you are stronger than you think. And it’s never a bad thing to be reminded of that.
Amy Ozols is a cultural commentator and writer for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.
Source : http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/inspiration-motivation/mistakes-everyone-should-make-00000000040785/page2.html
Five successful people, ranging from a noted psychologist to a legendary taste-maker, describe their most startling (and most revealing) blunders.
1. Totally embarrass yourself.
After the publication of my book Reviving Ophelia, in 1994, I was invited to a prestigious party. I got all dressed up; I was so excited to make connections. I had a wonderful time and was elated as I was walking back to my car. Well, that is, until I felt something on the back of my skirt. While I had gotten dressed for the function, I had apparently sat on a stack of clean laundry, and a pair of underwear had affixed itself. I had spent the entire night that way! I was mortified, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t matter. I went to other similar events after that, and as far as I could tell, that incident didn’t change people’s impression of me one little bit.
I tend to think that we are all always one static-cling mishap away from looking like a total idiot—and believing that helps me keep gaffes in perspective. And, of course, these grand embarrassments eventually loosen their grip anyway, leaving you with an ace-in-the-hole story to crack up your friends with for years to come.
Mary Pipher, Ph.D., has been a psychotherapist for more than 30 years. Her latest book is Seeking Peace ($16, amazon.com).
2. Ruffle people’s feathers.
Years ago, when I began working at a business school, I sat in meetings quietly, afraid I would say the wrong thing. Some people spoke up and were scoffed at. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I held my tongue. I soon realized that my silence implied that I was on board with whatever was being said. I started voicing my opinion, even on controversial subjects, regardless of how my comments would be received. Occasionally colleagues would roll their eyes, but I found that even those who disagreed with me came to respect me for not backing down. Sometimes my ideas will make me unpopular, sure, but that’s better than being a blank slate.
Mary C. Gentile, Ph.D., is a senior research scholar in business management at Babson College, in Wellesley, Massachusetts. She is the author of Giving Voice to Values ($26, amazon.com).
3. Follow trends blindly.
Looking back on my life, I find it hard to think of a fad I did not embrace. When glam rock glittered, I bleached my hair and wore a dangly earring. When punk rock raged, I donned black leather. Not until my 50s did I find my look—I call it Carnaby Street mod circa 1966—which allowed me to hop off the trend merry-go-round. But I am grateful for this process: It took a fashion odyssey to help me find out who I really am.
4. Be willing to fail—doing something you love.
In 1997 I had just graduated from law school (with tons of student-loan debt) and was interviewing for high-paying positions at big firms. The problem was, my heart wasn’t in it. So I took myself out of the running in order to build a small Internet publishing company with a friend. After a year of barely staying afloat, our venture went the way of a 404 ERROR message. I was broke and unemployed, and Sallie Mae was hot on my tail. I wondered what endeavor I should try next.
It sounds crazy, but once again I decided to throw caution to the wind and just do what I wanted. I began working as a trial attorney for the U.S. Department of Justice. Over the next few years, I held a wide array of fascinating jobs that I took because they captured my imagination: serving in the military, reporting from Iraq for the Washington Post, and, most recently, becoming a full-time author. Some might consider me flighty for changing careers so often, but I contend that the key to professional happiness is asking yourself two simple questions every single day: Are you passionate about what you do? And if not, what are you going to do instead?
Bill Murphy Jr. is the author of The Intelligent Entrepreneur ($27.50, amazon.com).
5. Carelessly put yourself at risk.
I’m a terrible skier, and I’m not being hard on myself when I say that. Small children and monkeys are more coordinated than I am. So it was with unbridled terror that I once found myself alone on a black-diamond ski trail in the middle of a blizzard. (Long story.) With nobody to carry me down, I didn’t have a lot of options. So I wept—and had a fairly supplicating talk with God about my imminent death. (I believe I made a series of promises involving church attendance, reduced alcohol intake, and forgoing swearing.) And, finally, I skied—slowly, with zero elegance, and whimpering like an infant the entire time—down the mountain. It wasn’t pretty, but I did it.
The point being, sometimes you have to get in over your head to realize that you’re not really in over your head at all. Two years ago, I got a job that I desperately wanted but had no idea how to do. So I took it, endured several panic attacks, and eventually learned the ropes. My choices were either figure it out or get fired. The bottom line: Most of the time, a high-risk situation won’t kill you, because you are stronger than you think. And it’s never a bad thing to be reminded of that.
Amy Ozols is a cultural commentator and writer for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.
Source : http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/inspiration-motivation/mistakes-everyone-should-make-00000000040785/page2.html
Saturday, November 27, 2010
chandoo.org
As the Admin of the site says an Awesome website for learning, sharing and downloading Excel tips, tricks , tutorials and ideas. The author of the site wants to make every user of the site an expert in using Excel. It is free to use. Just register and get some free download of Excel books. This site both for beginners and for professionals.
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